i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
