we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
