it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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