I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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