Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
