moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
