The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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