I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize