there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize