Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
