I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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