butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
