just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
