party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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