sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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