So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
