someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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