He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
