Porn is love you can see.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
