so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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