Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
