I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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