3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize