Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
