he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sext me about skeletons
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
