I think I just saw someone hide a body.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
