I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
how does that bad decision feel?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
