i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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