He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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