sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
