oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
