You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
