God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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