We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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