so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
