We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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