i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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