party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
