I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
