I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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