Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
