A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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