JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
