Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
