the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
