i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
