you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
