Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
