Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
