a queef is a wish your heart makes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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