I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
