Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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