I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
