I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
