He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
