I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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