So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
