so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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