If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
