xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
