Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
