ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize