I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I faked an abortion last night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
