dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
