I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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