Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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