What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
