the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize