We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
